


Bound More Than a Madman Is

by lunadesangre



Series: Lifers [8]
Category: Oz (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-08
Updated: 2011-07-08
Packaged: 2017-10-21 14:39:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/226318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunadesangre/pseuds/lunadesangre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's one fucked-up dynamic, but Ryan loves every second of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bound More Than a Madman Is

It’s ironic, really. He’s always been the kind that seduced and fucked and left and never gave a damn – or seduced and fucked and fucked and fucked, loosing himself into carnal pleasures for days, nothing but sex and sex and sex, didn’t matter who it was with –, but he’s never _cared_ before, not even with Shannon – not even with Gloria, not really.

(Looking back, he knows now, it’s the idea, the _ideal_ of love he wanted, not really _her_. Perfect from afar, fantasies better that reality and all that shit. Except, not with Miguel. With Miguel, reality is better than fantasies. Because it _is_. Just _is_. Everything.)

With Miguel he cares so much he’s sure he could burst, die, cry. He loves _everything_. He could _crawl_ for just a kiss – hell, he could crawl _right there in the middle of Em-city_ for a pat on his head – and if Miguel said “Blow me,” right here in the quad, Ryan knows he would happily get on his knees, open Miguel’s pants and swallow his cock, anyone watching be damned.

Reputation be damned.

It’s terrifying. Overwhelming. Sublime. It has to be some sort of payback for being such a bastard before – for never caring about any girl he’s fucked, for always pretending, for _always_ getting what he wanted, no matter what it cost anyone _else_.

(Cyril’s brain. Gloria’s husband. Such a selfish _bastard_.)

He’s sweet-talked so many girls out of their virginity, their boyfriend, their husband... Got his brother brain–damaged for a piece of ass. And got him locked in jail (hell) for another, got him raped, got him killed. Ryan deserves the same things and more.

Miguel...in a way, is his redemption. His tormentor and his savior, his poison and his medicine. Ryan craves him like a hopeless addict, craves any kind of attention from him, any kind of touch. He’ll scream and cry and plead and beg for one more little scrap, no matter how rough, how painful or how humiliating – just like he used to have girls scream and cry and plead and beg _him_ for the exact same thing, outside, a lifetime ago.

Payback. Bitchy payback from life, he’s sure. Mr I-don’t-give-a-fuck trapped in the same endless circle as all those girls he quietly despised, just as addicted, just as pathetic.

Just as pathetically _in love_.

In love _with a man_ , and completely unable to help himself. Unable to stop himself. Worse, loving every second of it. Irony in its grandest form.

(Though, he thinks, in a way, he’s extremely lucky: Miguel simply isn’t the kind that would ever take advantage of the power he has over him, Ryan _knows_ it – more than that, he sees it, feels it in every little touch. Miguel is rough sometimes, but it’s raw need, desperation, not any kind of cruel, sadistic abuse, nowhere near that. And it makes Ryan...love him even more. More than anything, more than anyone. Everything he thought he felt for Gloria – everything he fooled himself into thinking he felt for her –, in a lot worse. In a lot better. He's completely and utterly trapped, caught, bound, in the best hands his heart could ever possibly fall in: rough and tender, seeing right through all his bullshit, understanding darkness, sins and trespasses, bloody and yet somehow still a bit pure underneath it all. Everything.)


End file.
